Write Now

I haven’t been journaling for the longest time, it might be the reason why I can’t remember most of the days anymore. It has been my habit to write even the mundane things I did, it’s my way of preserving the days so that when I can’t remember, I just go back to my journal to read my daily entries. I would not be able to do that for May 16 through August 1. I haven’t written anything, not even bullets.

I need to write, now.

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Temporal

I blinked, I lost a friend. I blinked and I lost my father.

I blinked and blinked and time keeps passing me by. It is a battle that can never be won;

I lost, yet I am still losing.

What more do I have to lose?

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When the sun is setting and all you have are memories

Orange splashes with yellow rays turning to pinkish hue, then gradually combining with purple and then blue, then becoming indigo. What beauty to marvel at!

The feeling which envelopes my being whenever I watch the sun set is priceless. It’s my favorite time. It’s seeing through the day. Being able to watch the sun kiss the horizon goodbye is much like saying goodbye to what have been and feeling hopeful to what will be.

It reminds me of home. It makes me remember afternoons spent during my childhood – either pretending to be asleep so I can go out and play when my mom sleeps, plucking out white hair from her head, doing Papa’s nails, playing house with my siblings using lotion bottles and colognes because we don’t have actual toys to play with. It’s nostalgic. I’d hear our laughter from a distance, I’d hear stories we’d exchange during merienda, or while we were doing our respective household chores. It makes me feel a thousand emotions by just being a spectator. read more

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December

What is it about this time of the year
Is it the coolness of the air
Parties to attend to, laughter never ends…

Sometimes I dread that you’d come, because my schedule will be full from the 1st, and most of the time until the first week of January. I hate that I cannot have time to be alone with myself and I cannot paint and do my stuff, but I also thank you for bringing family and friends together.

I am disconnected with the people around me almost all the time, then you come along and you reconnect me to the rest of the world. You always make it a point that I don’t ditch scheduled dinners and meet-ups because, oh well, this is the only time we will all be available! You, more often than not, teach me to be patient because of the traffic jam you cause, the frantic shopping spree people succumb into, the rush that your wind have. read more

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Scratch

I see possibilities in scratch. Multiple universes, even.

In my younger years, I loved to write and draw at blank spaces – I even wrote the first three letters of my name on my parent’s marriage certificate at five years old! Silly little girl. I still do love both writing and drawing, but I now have a defined purpose of creating something, not just the eagerness of having my name scribbled on that blank page, or of having something pretty to look at after.

A lot of things can be thought of and created when confronted by a blank page.  Sometimes, I see my parents dancing to Huling El Bimbo when I was about eight; my first day of school with Ate and her warm spanish bread, the wind gushing at my face during our walk to the school; there are flash backs of the scene on my first kiss, all with butterflies in the stomach, shaky lips, and sweaty palms; there’s the long and boring graduation ceremony and how I felt when I realized it was the end of my student life; my very first job interview where I cried because my then soon-to-be boss asked about my mother. I can also see myself creating pieces for my first solo art show; my siblings getting married and our children being silly, just as we were when we’re kids. I can see how I’d create when I’m older, how I will be as a wife, a mother.  I envision how I’d age. read more

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